ProActive

Ok so on a much lighter note than my last blog..When I was in high school I had the most beautiful skin.. i got the norplant in my arm when i was 18 and it made me gain so much weight and it just threw my hormones crazy and ever since then my skin has been so horrible!!! I went to the dermotologist and he gave me Retin-A it really helped but i never got the prescription filled i only used the samples that he gave me.. So this week I swear I have had a bad, bad outbreak on my face so i decided to try the Proactive that every star pushes b/c i see the pictures of before and after and it looks like it really works.. so i bought some in Park Plaza Mall and so far it has worked really well.. I will let ya know the results in a few weeks. The only thing i don't like about is all the steps and you have to do morning and night...I have four steps to do and one product you only need to use a dime size and then another you only use a pea size.. (I had to use a Sharpie and write on each bottle to remind myself what to do.. I know how sad is that!!!

Janessa, and only a very small piece of her story w/ her battle w/ cancer!!

I just read Shelley's blog about some ppl that she knew that had cancer and died and it just made me so very sad. B/c I had a very close experience with cancer as most of you know my best friend Janessa Nicole Smith died September 13th 2005 of a very rare form of leukemia. It was the same type Win Rockerfeller died of. Win lived around 10 months or so thanks to a bone marrow transplant that his money bought up in Seattle. I am not bitter at all about that b/c I wanted him to live so bad b/c Janessa tried so dang hard to live those three very short months after she was diagnosed with the leukemia. She was diagnosed on June 20th and her aunt Fran and myself were there w/ her when we got the news exactly what it was. I think I was in shock more than Janessa was b/c she was strong and brave. After that day I spent almost every single w/e w/ her and a few days during the week at UAMS on the cancer floor. I was there at all of her pivotal moments I was there when she got her first round of chemo, I was there when the hair and eyebrows started falling out, I was there when her cousin, Tonia shaved her head bald, I was there for the vena cava port that they had to replace on the other side b/c the first one got infected, I was there when the had her on clear liquids and she begged me just to sneek her in frappicinos from Starbucks, I was there when she could not even smell food b/c it made her vomit, I was there when she could not hold in her bowel movements, I was there for the early morning wake ups from the doctors and nurses (and janessa really did hate that she most), i was there when she began to get delerious and she would talk to noone (that I could see) in the room, I was there when it hurt to even touch a foot to the ground w/o her grimicing in pain, and I was there when they put her in ICU in the middle of the night and when she gave me that last bit of strength or fight that was left in her and went off on me b/c she didn't like the damn oxygen in her nose and I got stern w/ her and said i was gonna shove it up her nose if she took it out again but i told her how much i loved her and how pretty her blue eyes looked i remember them being so brillant and sparkly. A few hours later she died.
I miss her so very much I use to count the months down after she died I remember at six months I said to myself she has been dead longer than she even had the cancer. I remember the time when she was alive and sick and time just went by so slow, but after she died it has gone by so fast and I miss her so very much, but I have to keep telling myself that was God's plan right when he put her on this earth, and she is watching over me and is pretty and not sick anymore and one day I will be w/ her in heaven. I hope that in our day in time they find a cure to all cancers, and that is something else I need to vent on i guess... breast cancer is something that I greatly support, but there are other cancers out there!!! Gosh, I did not want to get on this trip b/c I get on it alot but Janessa was this great person that I looked up to as a big sister and my best friend and I miss her every day but it very, very slowly gets a tiny bit better everyday!!